Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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