he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
