i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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