Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
