if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
