Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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