The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
