Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
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