So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
