So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
