I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous