someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies