Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.