Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
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So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
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Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.