We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..