the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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