He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
