no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
