My pussy is not your playground.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
