You just made me feel so damn special
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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