She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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