dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
