I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
