Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
