um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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