seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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