the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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