I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
