Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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