you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
