Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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