I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
