1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
