she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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