dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
