I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
