im drinking this country out of the recession.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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