you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
