what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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