You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
