I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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