Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
