I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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