just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
