I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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