Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
