Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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