Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You're like the curious george of whores
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
