I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
