with your own penis?
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
i need some magic done to my vagina
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
