Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We're too hungover to prance.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
