yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
