why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We're too hungover to prance.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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