The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
