I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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