but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
