So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
