I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
