Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
