Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
