so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
