I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
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