It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize