I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
