he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
false alarm. still invincible.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
