OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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