Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
