we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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