I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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