I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
