you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
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In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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