it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
