I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Randomize