Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
