sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
