I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
