the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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